Today, I decided I needed a special day with Zach.  I can’t remember the last time I took Arlo to daycare on my day off and just spent time with Zach.  I started planning this a few days ago and was surprised by how excited I was to have time alone with Zach.  No diapers to pack!  No nap to be home for!  We could go to the pool!  And out to lunch!  And maybe a playdate too!  Though I love both my boys, they pull me in different directions with their different needs and I need to make more of a priority to have special time with each of them.

I wasn’t kidding about getting pulled in different directions

Anyway, Zach and I had a blast today.  We went and got his haircut (those curls had gotten out of control) and then had a playdate with a friend.  Then we stopped by my office for a lunch party- which involved chocolate cake and opening a present (heaven for Zach).  Then we went to the pool.  I was thinking Zach would last about 30 minutes in the pool before he got bored and cold.  The pool was PACKED with screaming kids and Zach could not get enough.  We were there for almost two hours and he was the last one out of the pool at the end of open swim.  He was shivering and his lips were blue but he wanted more.  It was so much fun.  

I won’t wait so long for our next “Zach and Mom Special Day”- I need it and so does he.  The boys are getting big so fast, and there are only a few years left before school takes over and suddenly they won’t want to spend their free time with their mother.  I’m going to soak this up and enjoy it all I can.  They are growing up fast… 

“ROOOOOOOAR! I’m T. Rex!” screams my redheaded dinosaur from the back of the car.

“Rooooar!” squeaks Arlo, not to be outdone by his older brother.

“Mom!  Make Arlo stop cough peeing me!”

“It is ‘copying’ not ‘cough peeing’ and if you stop screaming at him, he will stop screaming at you.  He just wants to repeat what you do.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” shrieks Zach again as the car almost veers off the road.

“Ahhhhh!” sqeaks Arlo right back at him, smiling and kicking happily in his carseat.  What a great game!

“Mom!  Arlo is bepeating me!  Make him stop!”

“It is ‘repeating’ Zach and only you can make him stop.  He really looks up to you and wants to everything you do.  If you stop, so will he.”

“SSTTTOOOOOOOP! howls Zach, in his highest-pitch, most frustrated voice.

“BOP!” answers Arlo happily, still kicking and smiling and definitely getting in the last word.  

Hey big brother- I may be smaller, slower and younger now, but watch out!  Someday, I’m gonna catch up!”

My Mom visited the last few days and we had a blast- it was wonderful to see her and watch her with the kids.  Being a Mom myself makes me understand and appreciate so much more about my parents- especially as I find myself doing so many of the same things they did.   I don’t have energy to write much, so here are some pictures from our weekend…

Arlo the blue dinosaur

Have I mentioned how stinking cute Arlo is lately?  He has the cutest waddle-walk and he just wants to repeat everything we say.  My favorites are that his words for Elowa are “Good dog” and that when I holler “JOE!”  he hangs he head back and hollers “JOE!” too.  

At the Pumpkin Patch making a very important choice…

and here we are with our pumpkin

This morning we went to Aglazing Art and Zach painted a bowl for Grandma and Arlo footprinted a plate to match.  Zach’s color choices were “Blue Bell” and “Sour Apple” so we’ll see how that turns out.  I’m sure Grandma will eat from it everyday!

Zach attacking his bowl with paint

Thanks Mom for the great visit.  I love you!

This year I really wanted to make the kids Halloween costumes.  Zach wanted to be a blue dinosaur, so I decided to make a smaller one for Arlo.  Turns out, 7th grade home-ec was a looooog time ago and I’m not much of a seamstress.  Most of my free time for the last month or so has been spent in the basement huddled over my sewing machine cursing.   I finished Zach’s costume a few weeks ago and let him try it on.  He instantly fell in love with it and I felt so rewarded for all my work.

“Momma!  Can I wear this all day?!  But now I need blue claws and blue dinosaur feet and my face all blue.  Got it?”

Arlo’s is soooo close to being done, I can’t wait to try it on him.   Then I have to figure out claws for Zach… any ideas?

“Mommy!

“What is it Zach?”

“When I grow up I want to be a Mommy, just like you”

“Well honey, that is really sweet, but when you grow up, you’ll be a Daddy.”

“Yeah, I have a penis just like Dada, but when I grow up, I want to be a Mommy.  And a Doctor.  That’s what I want.”

We spent the weekend soaking up what were probably the last few warm, sunny days of summer… I don’t have the energy to write much, so here are some photos of our weekend…

How else to start a weekend, but pumpkin pancakes?

Crescent Beach

We picked 10lbs of Blackberries this morning!

Arlo loves blackberries!  By the end of the trip he was smeared in berry juice… should have taken a picture of that…

A mother deer and her fawn have been frequent visitors to our yard this summer.  There is something about this deer- I feel like I usually see her when I am least expecting to be confronted with something so wild and beautiful and then the sight of her makes me take a deep breath and become present again with the world around me.  She always looks me right in the eye, as if to say “I see you are a mother too- isn’t mothering beautiful?”.   

It is so difficult to stay “present” while mothering.  I feel pulled in so many directions all the time – laundry, dishes, meals, shopping, diapers.  The list of work is never-ending. So I am so appreciative of those rare moments when something pulls me out of my “to-do” list and back to the moment to remind me just how wonderful all of this is.  Thank you Mother Deer- visit us anytime you want, you seem to be good for my soul.

Woke up at 2am and 5:30am with the baby…. 3am with Zach…

Made zuchinni muffins with Zach at 6:30….

Cleaned the kitchen and unloaded the dishwasher…

Put Arlo down for a nap…

Did two loads of laundry, watered the garden, dressed Zach, packed the car and showered while the baby slept…

Then packed the kids up and spent a few hours at the county fair…

Came back home for the baby’s nap…

Did an exercise video (with Zach!) while the baby napped…

Worked on Zach’s Halloween costume for 3.5 minutes before the baby woke up…

Played with the kids and did two more loads of laundry…

Cleaned up Zach’s crap in the dog yard…

Made the kids dinner and then took out the trash and the compost…

Gave both kids baths since dinner concluded with popsicles…

Put Arlo to bed…

Made a nice dinner for my hubby and packed everyone’s lunch for tomorrow while Joe put Zach to bed…

During which time the exterminator arrived to get rid of the yellow jacket’s nest on our porch…

Had a quiet dinner with my hubby…

Took the dog for a walk around the lake….

Worked on Zach’s Halloween costume until my brain no longer functioned…

Wrote this post…

Went to sleep… I need to be well rested for “work” tomorrow…

I’ve been having a rough time lately- the kids and work are exhausting and my fragmented sleep is starting to take its toll.  Arlo has fussed most of his waking hours for the past week, and I finally discovered the culprit, a huge molar waaaaay in the back of his mouth is cutting in from the side.  I’m not a huge believer in teething making babies fussy, but this week I’m am!  Zach is tough too right now, always wanting the opposite of whatever it is he needs to do.  But every once in a while, Zach says something to remind me that we are on the right track, even if that track seems so hard right now.

Yesterday- Zach stripped down at the public beach.  So cute and fun for a bit, until his body reminded him it was only about 55 degrees and the water is FREEZING!  Then we shed some tears…

A few days ago, we took the boys up to Hurricane RIdge.  Zach of course would not walk or hike, but demanded to be carried.  Most of his little buddies are great hikers, but Zach likes the view from Mom’s back.  (The dangers of attachment parenting three years later- they are still attached!)  I pointed out to him the glade of trees on Hurricane Hill, where we had sat and nursed several times when he was a baby, and then he said “Mama, next time when I’m a baby, let’s do that again”.  It was almost like he remembered how special those trips were when he was a baby.  Those were some of the best moments of my new motherhood, sitting in a meadow on a mountain, nursing a baby.    I know he doesn’t remember, but I do think it is imprinted somewhere in his brain and I’m glad he too recognizes how fleeting and amazing those moments are.

At Hurricane Ridge with Zach when he was 6 weeks old.

Then yesterday, he got stung in the face by a bee.  He hadn’t napped and he had a major freak out.  Like crying inconsolably for almost an hour.  Nothing I could think of to help or distract him seemed to make a difference.  He finally passed out on the floor of his room and slept for twenty minutes or so in my lap, even with the baby crawling all over him.  When I woke him up, he was a total mess and I held him for another hour.  I felt so helpless to explain to him why it hurt so bad and help him deal with the pain.  Later, after the baby had gone to bed and he was having a bedtime snack, he said “Momma, you tried everything to help me, but I just cried and cried.”  And then I almost cried, with thankfulness for his validation.

I will hang onto these moments when things are hard, to remember I am trying everything, that my kids love me and appreciate how I am raising them, with attachment and never-ending affection.   

Arlo enjoying his first popsicle

While your 3-year-old is on the floor sweeping up the microscopic pieces of quinoa he spilled everywhere, and the baby is in the backpack on your wife’s back because he has spent the last hour screaming despite being fed, napped, nursed and dry, when your wife has a homeade pie crust rolled out and is just about ready to add the blueberries she and the baby picked at the u-pick earlier this week after you said you wanted blueberry pie for your birthday, it is not the time to say….

“Honey, I don’t really feel like pie tonight.  Can you make it tomorrow?”

I love you, Joe.  All 47 years of you.  Happy Birthday!